8 Weeks Later, Part II: Postpartum

I originally posted this on my private family journal about a week after Seraphine was born. I wanted to remember the birthing and postpartum experience in its entirety, both the good and the bad. I've added some updates at the end.

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The past few days have been full of physical challenges that I was underprepared for. As much as I loved reading birth stories when I was pregnant, I realize now that I wish I’d had more information about the post-partum experience. Everyone loves talking about how their babies came into the world but honestly, I could have used more real life recounts of the post-partum experience.  The difficulties of being a new parents are far outweighed by the joys but I’d like to document the physical challenges I’ve had to face in the past few days, for posterity at the very least but more so, to give others an idea of the side of childbirth that everyone experiences but few people talk about.
I’m not surprised when I read journals of new mothers who regret that they didn’t really enjoy the first few days of their child’s life because they were so difficult. Not only are you embarking on the most emotionally challenging part of your life, you’re doing it in a physically weakened state. I count myself among the lucky ones because I had a relatively uncomplicated vaginal birth. The only glitches were the fact that I had an epidural and had a second degree tear. Even so, the past few days have been some of the most physically challenging days of my life.

Everyone tells you as a new parent that you need to get rest. For me, sleep deprivation started with labor. My last full day of sleep was two days before Sera was born. Neither Drake nor I have gotten much sleep since Sera arrived. Since I’m breastfeeding, I can’t get more than two, maybe three, hours of sleep in a row since I’m nursing on demand. Sera tends to feed about 10 to 12 times a day, averaging every two hours. She’s a slow eater so a nursing session can take anywhere from half an hour to 45 minutes, sometimes longer.

Over the past few days, we’ve developed a system that seems to work for us. I sleep from the hours of about 11:00PM to 6:00AM (though I wake up to nurse Sera) as well as whenever I can find the opportunity to nap after noon. Drake sleeps from 6:00AM to 12:00 noon as well as takes naps with Sera on his chest after I’ve gone to bed. He only wakes me when it’s time for Sera to eat. That way, Drake can be up and functional to run any errands (like driving us to the doctor, medicine runs, etc.) I honestly don’t know how I’d do this if Drake were to go back to work.

While I was in labor, I probably got two or three hours sleep total in the day and a half preceeding labor. While the pain of labor was no fun, it was the fact that I was so exhausted that made the pain unbearable because I just couldn’t cope with it mentally. When I broke down sobbing during labor, it was more because I was so mentally exhausted rather than simply because it hurt. The pain I knew would crest and ebb but the exhaustion was the constant and I saw no relief for it.

The epidural helped tremendously because it took the pain away and I was able to rest even though I still couldn’t sleep. However because I hadn’t been planning on getting an epidural initially, I didn’t really research the side effects. I knew that the possible side effects included things like a headache but I didn’t get that, thank god. While I wouldn’t have traded the epidural for anything after I had gotten it, I was completely unprepared for a side effect that I hadn’t been told about: shivering. It actually due to the IV they had running before the epidural was in. During labor and for awhile after delivering, I was shivering badly and couldn’t control it.

While the epidural was great for labor and delivery, after Sera was born the shivering made it difficult to hold her for more than a few minutes. It took a long time to wear off. And since I couldn’t get up from the bed for a few hours, it made taking care of her in those first few hours difficult even though her hospital bassinet was right next to the bed. The bed rail was in the way and the bassinet wasn’t at level for me to reach over for her.

One of the things that I had to do within 6 hours of delivery (and removal of the epidural) was to pee twice. This is easier said than done. For one, I had to wait until the epidural had worn off enough to support my weight. For me, that took about three hours. Effects on the right side wore off first and I was able to support myself on the right but my left side was still pretty numb. I made it to the bathroom with the help of Drake and the nurse.

I’ve never been so terrified of going pee. It didn’t burn, thankfully, but the fact that I was bleeding heavily and freshly stitched up was pretty scary. After peeing, I had to wash off with a peri bottle, pat the area dry, spray the area with a topical analgesic and then put on an ice pack, a huge pad and disposable underwear. That first bathroom trip took me probably about ten to fifteen minutes to accomplish all that.

The bleeding that a woman experiences after delivery is called lochia and it happens whether you give birth vaginally or via c-section. All the things I had read had told me that the bleeding from lochia would be like that of a heavy period. All I have to say is that I’ve never experienced a period as heavy as the bleeding I had for about four days post partum. The kit I was given in the hospital included chux pads (blue and white waterproof pads, about 2′ by 2′) as well as these huge pads that were about 4 times the size of a traditional super maxi pad. I was using the huge pads for the first three days post partum and then once I ran out of those, I doubled up on super heavy maxi pads. More than ten days post partum, most of my bleeding has disspated and is now just a heavy, blood tinged discharge though I still bleed a little whenever I breastfeed.

Breastfeeding has been, by far, the hugest physical challenge I’ve faced post partum. The first day or so in the hospital wasn’t bad. The first latch hurt a lot less than I originally thought it would and I made the mistake of going, “Huh, this isn’t so bad!” Every day afterward has been a progressive struggle. Some days are better than others as far as the pain goes. The pain is two fold: sore nipples and sore breasts. Everyone that has seen me has noted that my breasts are a lot bigger than they normally are. I don’t necessarily see it so much as feel it. Nothing fits well, including the nursing tank tops that I bought.

I’ve developed a complete lack of modesty when it comes to my breasts. My breasts and nipples are so sore that it hurts to have cloth rubbing against them. Also, since Sera’s feeding around the clock, it’s a pain to constantly take a shirt on or off. Since my tank tops don’t fit, I’ve taken to just running around without a top on. It’s a lot less of a hassle. When guests are over, I might start off with a top but I oftentimes end up taking it off if I have to feed Sera or otherwise tend to my nipples and then just fail to put it back on. I figure that these boobs are much more utilitarian than sexual and if someone can’t stand to see my lactating breasts, there’s other places they can be.

One of the things that I was completely unprepared for was the amount of pain following the birth. I don’t know why I didn’t think about it.  While I’m sure I have it a ton easier than anyone that has had to undergo a cesarean, the aftermath of this vaginal birth was no walk in the park, especially with the second degree tear. I had figured that if I had a vaginal birth, I would have to deal with soreness but not necessarily pain. Changing positions in the bed was difficult, even scooting up or down. Getting in and out of bed had to be approached slowly with deliberate motions. I could really feel my stitches for several days following delivery but after about a week or so, they began to dissolve to the point that I could no longer feel them. More than ten days post partum, the area is still sore but I’m no longer afraid of my stitches.

Though I was able to pass gas fairly soon after delivery, I didn’t have a bowel movement for nearly 5 days! And when I did, I was scared that I’d tear my stitches. It turns out that it wasn’t my stitches that I had to be worried about. I ended up with another wonderful souvenir from delivery: hemorrhoids. Yeesh. The pain killers I’ve been on can cause constipation so I’ve been countering that with drinking Metamucil.

I never realized how sore my arms could be from holding a baby! A small thing but I never even considered having sore arms after birth. But sore they were, especially from being so scared and holding the baby so gingerly that first night. This eased up in the days following the birth — I’m now happy to report that my biceps are totally used to hefting Sera around.

A nurse in the hospital told me that it would probably take about two weeks before I began feeling anywhere close to normal. Now that I’m almost two weeks post-partum, I have to admit that I’m feeling a lot better physically though I’m still no where near 100%. I’m no longer bleeding heavily from lochia though I am still sore down below. I still take pain killers on a regular basis because otherwise, my breasts hurt too much though soon I should be able to survive just on Motrin rather than Motrin and Tylenol #3.

This isn’t to say that I regret all the pain, soreness and sleepless nights. I have a beautiful daughter to care for and I’ve tried to take it all with the attitude of “this too shall pass.” I’ve had my moments when I’ve just broken down and cried because things hurt. I especially remember times when I’ve breastfed Sera with tears rolling down my cheeks because she’d latched poorly again and I knew that breaking the suction and trying again would be just as painful if not more so.

ADDENDA:

At 8 weeks postpartum, it is safe to say that I'm fully recovered physically from the birthing experience.  Reading what I wrote now makes me glad that I took the time to record my feelings and my experiences; it's so hard to remember what's happened in the past few weeks because everything's gone by so fast!

By far the most difficult thing for me was breastfeeding was excruciatingly painful for me both physically and emotionally. Sera didn't have a great latch in the beginning so I had a LOT of pain while breastfeeding her those first few weeks. I remember dreading feeding her because it hurt so bad. One night, she ended up injuring both breasts so badly due to a poor latch that I had tears streaming down my face for the entire half hour feeding session. I worried constantly about my supply and left the lactation consultation in tears because the LC had told me that I wasn't making enough to feed my daughter because her weight gain was slow.

I nearly gave up nursing so many times but I stubbornly stuck with it, thinking that if I could just get through another day, that would be worth it for Sera. Finally after four weeks, things just seemed to click into place. My milk supply regulated itself and Sera's latch improved to the point that I no longer needed to rely upon nipple shields or constantly slathering lanolin on my breasts. My nipples healed and finally I was able to enjoy nursing. Now I hardly give it a second thought. My breasts are sore sometimes and she may slip on her latch here and there but for the most part, we're both happy.